The Path to Happily Ever After

All opinions are mine and mine alone.

The Path to Happily Ever After

Author: Malini Bhatia, Founder & CEO of Marriage.com

 

The path to Happily Ever After starts off at the same place for every couple. The engagement. The wedding. The honeymoon. The passion and excitement — the sheer newness of a life together.

 

And then? Real life happens. The romance is still there but not quite as often. You get tired. Work becomes a chore. Staying in sounds like a good idea. If you have kids, then you’re really tired. Money, stress, responsibilities, the future, all of it creates obstacles in the path. You two still love each other, but how do you let it stand the test of time?

 

The answer may be easier than you think. It doesn’t involve life-changing vacations, fancy houses, or expensive jewelry. Instead, try the following four suggestions. They’re easy ideas that only take mindfulness and energy, not money. The best part? When combined, they’re a surefire guide for the path to Happily Ever After.

 

Say “Thank You” To Your Spouse

You say thank you to your waiter, to the mailman, to the bank teller. You probably say it to your colleagues and co-workers. But do you say it to your spouse? Sometimes, the person closest to you is the easiest to overlook. If this is the case, then don’t feel bad — it’s a trap that many people fall into quite easily. How do you rectify this? It’s as simple as saying those two little words.

 

And it’s not just saying them when, say, your spouse gets you a cup of coffee. It’s expressing them on a regular basis as a means of gratitude towards the person for being who they are and their lifelong commitment to the relationship. It’s a way of telling them that they’re important to you and you appreciate them. So try saying a simple “thank you” at the most unexpected of times. You’ll brighten your spouse’s day — and strengthen your relationship.

 

Oh, and of course, you can say thank you when your spouse gets you a cup of coffee.

 

Be Completely Honest

Many of us lie to our spouses all the time — we just don’t know it. Think about it; the last time your spouse did something that made you uncomfortable or asked for your time when you didn’t necessarily have any to spare, you probably lied and said it was no problem. A healthy relationship is all about communication and compromise, and in order to achieve that, you have to be completely honest.

 

In a situation like the above, being honest that something can be difficult isn’t a bad thing. You can say, “You know, it’s actually kind of a bad time, but I’m happy to do it because it’s important to you, so I’ll find a way.” Or you can say, “I’m sorry, now’s not really a good time. Can it wait until tomorrow?” Both answers are ways to honestly express how you’re feeling while offering a bridge to compromise. Honesty is important, because the more you stuff down your true feelings, the more you’ll feel resentment — and resentment is the foundation of a toxic relationship.

 

Compromise, Compromise, Compromise

In any relationship, compromise is key to sustaining it in a healthy way. That applies to business and personal life, but it’s probably the most important in marriages. Two people are simply never going to agree on everything; it’s impossible. How you manage that disagreement, though, tells you much more about the quality of your relationship than you might think.

 

Combined with the Honesty suggestion above, compromise leads to both people feeling heard and feeling mutual agreement. It doesn’t necessarily mean one side wins or loses, it simply means that they’ve reached an agreement based on what matters and what’s at stake. Couples that compromise regularly — not just the act of it, but expressing a willingness to compromise using a respectful tone and words — demonstrate that they have a connection that goes above passion and romance; it’s the essence of true love.

 

Play Together — And Play Alone

Think about when you first met. What did you bond over? Going to concerts? Watching movies? Talking about books? Volunteering, cooking, working out? Couples that stay together spend time together, not out of obligation, but because they enjoy doing these things together. Studies have shown that quality time is one of the easiest and most enjoyable ways to keep a marriage strong.

 

At the same time, no couple is going to share all of the exact same interests. Healthy partners respect each other’s interests and allow their spouse to indulge in hobbies that make them happy. As the old saying goes, “if you love someone, set them free.” Free, in this case, means letting each person enjoy what they want to enjoy.  Some people worry that if they give their spouse free reign to do whatever they want, they’ll fall down a rabbit hole of time. But if you use the suggestions above of Compromise and Honesty — and if you have a truly respectful relationship — a balance will naturally shake out, and you’ll both be happier for it.