Financial Fairness for your Stepchildren

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Financial Fairness for your Stepchildren: A Modern Family Dilemma

There are more families with stepchildren than ever before and while this is a perfectly normally set up these days, it does create a set of issues and dilemmas regarding financial responsibility towards children that you may have an emotional attachment to, but not a biological one.

The family dynamic will obviously be impacted from the moment divorce papers are served and when there are children involved in the marriage, this does create a modern family dilemma, when you move on and start a new relationship.

Time to talk money

Becoming a stepparent introduces a new set of complexities into your life, including the need to address and create a new set of financial rules that help to maintain a degree of financial fairness between all the children involved, whether they are your biological responsibility or not.

There are various issues to address when talking about money in the context of a stepfamily arrangement.

Unfortunately, these money issues can often cause conflicts, as you discuss how to apportion child maintenance payments and even inheritance is a topic that needs to be up for discussion. The sparks can sometimes fly when you talk about “my” and “your” children when talking about money, so you need to try and find a compromise and plan that you are both comfortable with.

Financial obligations

It is definitely not unusual to find a situation where one of the parents, often the father, finds themselves financially obligated to more than one home, which is because divorce agreements quite rightly include due consideration regarding ongoing financial and emotional responsibility towards children.

One of the issues to contend with at this point, is that if the financial arrangements reached are likely to be viewed by the children as unfair or mean-spirited, this can create divisions and spoil a relationship going forward as they get older.

It is a difficult balance to try and reach as the natural inclination in a divorce situation is towards financial preservation, but it might pay to remember that not living up to your financial responsibilities from a previous relationship, can have emotional consequences going forward.

Trying to be fair

Although you have ended an adult relationship, if you have children, you will no doubt want to try and maintain that relationship, even after you may now be in a stepfamily situation.

Stepfamily financial arrangements are rarely straightforward, but it is often the case that children are keen to equate fairness with equality. This means that they will often watch closely to see how money is apportioned in things like clothes, holidays and other things that could be measured against what they have been given.

Children will often be able to spot inequalities, even sometimes unfairly, which is why it is important to try and talk to all of the children involved, in an age-appropriate way, so that any perceived problems or issues can be addressed before they become a major issue.

Although there may not be an enforced obligation when it comes to financially supporting any stepchildren in your life, the majority of us voluntarily take on an element of responsibility.

There is no question that financial fairness for your stepchildren is a very modern financial dilemma, and one that needs talking about in order to find a solution that works for everyone.

Sebastian Brookes is a psychologist who focuses on the role of blended families in today’s society and the problems that must be overcome to create a happy home life for kids. His articles appear on a number of parenting blogs.